The Beginning

So as I began to write this blog I had to ask myself a few key questions. Am I crazy?  Am I somehow attracted to suffering as I place myself on display for ridicule and public humiliation? Would I rather have a papsmear, or maybe a root canal? That sounds like more fun than imagining swarms of people who knew me at my size 6 or 8, gathering in committees wondering, “what the hell happened to her?” Okay, okay, so as I return to reality and understand that most people have their own issues to manage and are not giving that much thought to my size, I’m reminded that this blog will serve as a chronicle of  my journey back to myself.  Combining all the good things in my life now with the health I had then.  This platform can help keep me focused. And so I begin.

Wokano Restaurant, Long Beach, CA

I’m beginning to type on the evening of December 17^th, 2011 while attempting to relax from a ridiculously crazy few days. (Yes my idea of relaxing is starting another project.) I just hosted my husband’s birthday dinner held at Wokcano restaurant in Long Beach, Ca. Some of the best grilled Asian food served up on their grill it right in front of you, while half way setting your wig on fire, the Teppanyaki table was wonderful. It was really delicisous from beginning to end.  Followed by a birthday carrot cake with cream cheese frosting from Torrance Bakery, the best cake ever! Seriously!  Can I please have the same radar for a winning lottery ticket that I have for scoping out the best food on the planet? 

Torrance Bakery Carrot Cake, Torrance, CA

So noticing my propensity for food, and my love affair with the serotonin infusing cream cheese frosting from my hubby’s birthday cake, I notice how much pleasure food gives me. I’m really not sure when this started….ah yeah I am. In 2004 I was only 10 pounds or so over my ideal weight. That was just a little pooch across my midsection. This brought on by giving my dog away and not having my twice a day walks with him. Then the ball dropped. My mom died in November of that year, and I ate. Within 3 months of grieving her loss and attempting to overcome heinous experiences I endured with my family during this time, I’d mananged to add on another 20 pounds within 6 months after her passing. Tommy burgers smothered in chili and late night kettle corn bags were my best friends. I would eat until I was nauseous because I’d rather feel that sickness than feel the sickness of my heart. Up to that point I’d been somewhat regularly active, this came to a scretching hault through grief. The energy to shower and get to work everyday was all I could muster. Next phase, met the love of my life in 2005, lost the love of my life in 2006, gained the most pounds of my life in 2007, another 30, turned 35 in 2008. You doing the math? Bad eating habits, lack of excersise, metabolism slows, that’s 60 extra pounds of me walking around. Officially I was in the freshman class of the “Big Girls Club.”  Since the love of my life and I reunited and had a beautiful baby boy, so it goes without saying that pregnancy is a weight inducing season. And worse, I've had rampant health issues since giving birth, yet another anchor in the "get healthy kick" I dreamt of while carrying my child. My eating habits are fair, no more Tommy Burgers or bags of kettle corn , I eat alot of fruits, vegetables and organic food, but it seems that having a baby after age 35 equates to gaining pounds when one looks at a cheeseburger. It's clear, I need a change. The scale read back to me, my current weight, almost out of the 100’s and equal to my full term pregnancy weight, 191 pounds. Somethings got to give. 

Wow!

What I’m after now is to get to my essential health level, not just ideal size, although weight loss is part of it. I really hate feeling bad all the time. There’s got to be a realistic way to living better. So there lies the purpose of this blog. By writing it I hope to be able to keep myself on track and accountable, in so doing, make this time the turning point in my optimum and essential health level. I very much need to handle and overcome some chronic pain I suffer from and to find out how to juggle the stresses in my life while taking care of my health. How do I handle the responsibility of caring for an infant, running a household, maintaining a home based business and a healthy marriage and still have time to think about, let alone act on bettering my health and dropping my weight? I’d like to also find information on my body type and body chemistry as a means of making decisions that benefit me. Lastly I need to  find some exercise regimends that wont make me more bored than class on Satrudays, and find out how to hang up the emotional cruch that food has been for me.

Okay so I guess the only thing to do now is hit…. Publish.