Swimming Upstream

Wokcano Long Beach does it again.

E&J...oh and a lil egg nog.

And so the struggle has begun. I promised myself I’d be real on this blog, not just publish the good days or the days I’m on top of things, but the days I struggled too. And you can count the struggling days now as three consecutive. I have not exercised at all for three straight days when the goal was to do so each week day this week. The first day I missed I had a massive headache that never subsided, coupled with stresses at home. Day two, same headache coupled with stomach and back pain, more stresses at home. Day three, exhaustion, back and neck very stiff, pain lingering, stresses at home. So I’ll be looking into some ways on getting pain free but for now it stopped me in my tracks. The good thing diet wise is that I didn’t eat much for 3 days. It’s not the way I want to loose weight but I felt so bad I really had no appetite. Each day I’d eat a half bowl of cereal and some crackers, (enough to take my blood pressure medicine), for a full day and any more than that brought on nausea. So now getting my appetite back a bit I did have ½ a plate of Chinese food appetizers along with some miso soup, (thanks Wokcano….again.)  Later I had some pudding topped with granola and ended it with liquored up egg nog. Gotta celebrate Christmas don’t I? So getting back on track tomorrow. One great thing this blog is doing for me is somehow making me feel good about the good things I’m sticking to. I’ll take that. 

1 Pound 60 Times Over

So today was my official first day. In the last 3 weeks I've had about 4 exercise sessions but today is officially the first day. I'm doing something I normally don't do, giving myself a little credit. The picture taken of me on the scale in the last post had me at 191 pounds, today I weighed in at 190 pounds. Now normally I wouldn't think that was a big deal at all, or that whatever effort I put towards loosing that 1 pound meant nothing. But in this case I'm taking a different approach that I'm hoping I'll be able to hold on to through this process. I only need to loose that 1 pound 60 times. I do many things 60 times over, I kiss my baby 60 times, I brush my teeth 60 times, I drive to the grocery store 60 times, I can loose 1 pound 60 pounds over.

It's going on 1:00 am and I've been working since 10:00am. Monday are always crazy busy. Getting my 9.5 month old son on a sleeping and eating schedule throughout the day while playing with him, changing him, and clothing him. I completed 4 loads of laundry and cooked a large dinner. This all while I jump started my week for website that I run from home. So needless to say my day is just ending in the wee hours of the morning. I am very happy to say I also walked on the beach for about 45 minutes. Although it was cold and windy, I did it, (granted Southern Californians consider 55 degrees cold, I'm inwardly laughing at myself seeing that I'm a native of Colorado.)

I ate well and clean for the most part, zucchini bread, apple sauce, water, vitamins & herbs mixed in juice, small frozen meal (Fresh & Easy's Baked Ziti), grapes, gingerale, bbq chicken, cabbage, corn on the cob, small chocolate pudding (yes I will continue to have my chocolate), cherries, cheese bit crackers.

I am very happy with being productive today, I am in the hopes that I can balance my Tuesday. It shouldn't be quite this busy however I tend to burn out quickly during the week....I wonder why. :~/ ;~) Last task of the day is to shower and wash my hair. I find it impossible to find time to do this during the day with baby in tow. So we're off to a good start. Tomorrow I'll go after another pound.

The Beginning

So as I began to write this blog I had to ask myself a few key questions. Am I crazy?  Am I somehow attracted to suffering as I place myself on display for ridicule and public humiliation? Would I rather have a papsmear, or maybe a root canal? That sounds like more fun than imagining swarms of people who knew me at my size 6 or 8, gathering in committees wondering, “what the hell happened to her?” Okay, okay, so as I return to reality and understand that most people have their own issues to manage and are not giving that much thought to my size, I’m reminded that this blog will serve as a chronicle of  my journey back to myself.  Combining all the good things in my life now with the health I had then.  This platform can help keep me focused. And so I begin.

Wokano Restaurant, Long Beach, CA

I’m beginning to type on the evening of December 17^th, 2011 while attempting to relax from a ridiculously crazy few days. (Yes my idea of relaxing is starting another project.) I just hosted my husband’s birthday dinner held at Wokcano restaurant in Long Beach, Ca. Some of the best grilled Asian food served up on their grill it right in front of you, while half way setting your wig on fire, the Teppanyaki table was wonderful. It was really delicisous from beginning to end.  Followed by a birthday carrot cake with cream cheese frosting from Torrance Bakery, the best cake ever! Seriously!  Can I please have the same radar for a winning lottery ticket that I have for scoping out the best food on the planet? 

Torrance Bakery Carrot Cake, Torrance, CA

So noticing my propensity for food, and my love affair with the serotonin infusing cream cheese frosting from my hubby’s birthday cake, I notice how much pleasure food gives me. I’m really not sure when this started….ah yeah I am. In 2004 I was only 10 pounds or so over my ideal weight. That was just a little pooch across my midsection. This brought on by giving my dog away and not having my twice a day walks with him. Then the ball dropped. My mom died in November of that year, and I ate. Within 3 months of grieving her loss and attempting to overcome heinous experiences I endured with my family during this time, I’d mananged to add on another 20 pounds within 6 months after her passing. Tommy burgers smothered in chili and late night kettle corn bags were my best friends. I would eat until I was nauseous because I’d rather feel that sickness than feel the sickness of my heart. Up to that point I’d been somewhat regularly active, this came to a scretching hault through grief. The energy to shower and get to work everyday was all I could muster. Next phase, met the love of my life in 2005, lost the love of my life in 2006, gained the most pounds of my life in 2007, another 30, turned 35 in 2008. You doing the math? Bad eating habits, lack of excersise, metabolism slows, that’s 60 extra pounds of me walking around. Officially I was in the freshman class of the “Big Girls Club.”  Since the love of my life and I reunited and had a beautiful baby boy, so it goes without saying that pregnancy is a weight inducing season. And worse, I've had rampant health issues since giving birth, yet another anchor in the "get healthy kick" I dreamt of while carrying my child. My eating habits are fair, no more Tommy Burgers or bags of kettle corn , I eat alot of fruits, vegetables and organic food, but it seems that having a baby after age 35 equates to gaining pounds when one looks at a cheeseburger. It's clear, I need a change. The scale read back to me, my current weight, almost out of the 100’s and equal to my full term pregnancy weight, 191 pounds. Somethings got to give. 

Wow!

What I’m after now is to get to my essential health level, not just ideal size, although weight loss is part of it. I really hate feeling bad all the time. There’s got to be a realistic way to living better. So there lies the purpose of this blog. By writing it I hope to be able to keep myself on track and accountable, in so doing, make this time the turning point in my optimum and essential health level. I very much need to handle and overcome some chronic pain I suffer from and to find out how to juggle the stresses in my life while taking care of my health. How do I handle the responsibility of caring for an infant, running a household, maintaining a home based business and a healthy marriage and still have time to think about, let alone act on bettering my health and dropping my weight? I’d like to also find information on my body type and body chemistry as a means of making decisions that benefit me. Lastly I need to  find some exercise regimends that wont make me more bored than class on Satrudays, and find out how to hang up the emotional cruch that food has been for me.

Okay so I guess the only thing to do now is hit…. Publish.